13 Jun Shooting The Star

Evelyn Lewin is dedicated to documenting her offspring’s exploits.

I have a feeling that my daughter is going to grow up thinking that she is famous. Either that or her mother has a camera in the place where her nose should be. This is because, and I’m not ashamed to admit it, I am obsessed with my camera. And my video camera. And the photo and video functions on my mobile phone (aye, blessed technology, where would I be without ye?).

At the age of one, my daughter is probably the most photographed girl I know. Of course, I have heard recently about an almost teenage girl who has been filmed every day of her life. That, to me, seems a little more than obsessive. The word ‘creepy’ springs to mind. (But is it a little sad that my second thought is, ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’)

My husband recently asked me exactly what I intended to do with the oodles of media I have of my tot. I hadn’t really thought about it. Sure, I have a lovely collage of baby photos and a few charming shots that are framed. I’m certainly not going to delete any video footage, although wading through the hour upon hour that I have taken seems unthinkable as well. Though I don’t know what I’ll do with all those images, it did make me ponder where my obsession stemmed from.

Maybe I’m only this obsessed because she is my first child. My husband is one of five children (number four, to be precise) and the photo albums made by his mother are testament to the mathematical rule of inverse proportions, whereby as the number of children increases, the number of photos of each one decreases.

Firstly, it definitely has something to do with my perfectionism. Being a perfectionist means that I’m always trying to capture the best shot. So even if I have a great photo of my little one smiling and happy, I will then want one of her from the side, then the other side, one from up high, and one from her height, and then the whole lot all over again but with a cute bow in her hair.

I know, I know. I’m irritating. My husband tells me that repeatedly. And surely my daughter would too if only she could speak.

I guess my obsession also comes from the fact that so many of my own childhood memories are triggered by or based on photos. And so I want to capture all the special moments in my daughter’s life so I don’t forget them and so that she can have a physical image with which to reference various moments. It’s just that I have absolutely no filter regarding what counts as special.

Another thing I am learning quickly about being a mother is that when I want to visualise my daughter, I see her at the age she is now. I look at newborns and find that the images I remember of my daughter at that age are from the photos and videos I have of her. I can’t conjure up an image from my mind, or if I can, it’s hazy and blurry and easily replaced with competing images.

Which led me to understand more about my obsession. It allows me to capture those precious memories of my daughter’s childhood that my memory simply can’t hold. For instance, I never thought I’d forget the way she used to splash like a madwoman in her tiny plastic bathtub, but it took watching a video of her recently doing just that to remind me.

And that’s another thing—photos and videos have this amazing ability to take you back into the moment and relive the joy and excitement again. The days of having a newborn seem to stretch on forever when you’re caught up in them, but in reality, they pass so quickly. So it’s lovely to have some of those moments captured on film.

Maybe I’m only this obsessed because she is my first child. My husband is one of five children (number four, to be precise), and the photo albums made by his mother are a testament to the mathematical rule of inverse proportions, whereby as the number of children increases, the number of photos of each one decreases.

Hence, his eldest sibling has numerous beautiful albums documenting her childhood, while his youngest brother simply has a couple of photos held together by a rubber band. I’m not suggesting that his mother loved her youngest any less than her eldest; it’s just that the desperation to capture every moment is overridden by the demands of living with multiple children.

But I guess my obsession boils down to the fact that even if I never find the time to look through all of the images and film we have, it is a comfort for me to know that somehow out there in the digital world, my daughter will always remain a newborn, a toddler and each age she has been in between.

Now I just have to get around to the task of putting them into a photo album…

Illustration by Alex Wegner