13 Nov All Care, No Responsibility: The Land of Whatever You Want
Tom Whelan reflects on the special bond between grandparents and grandchildren—and the timeless lessons passed between generations.
The Land of Whatever You Want
My children’s grandmother lives by the sea in a place we call The Land of Whatever You Want.
“Ice-cream for breakfast? Sure, smother it in chocolate topping.”
“I know it’s 10pm, but let’s have a quick night swim—you can put your pyjamas back on later.”
“Come on, you’ll look great with your ears pierced.”
The American comedian Sam Levenson once said grandparents and grandchildren get along so well because they share a common enemy—the parent. There’s truth in that.
There’s no single way to be a grandparent, but indulgence often comes with the job. Grandparents don’t hold the same authority or responsibility as parents. Instead, they have a licence to say “yes.” And because many don’t see their grandchildren as often as they’d like, they tend to say “yes” often.
A Role with Purpose
Most of us will eventually become grandparents. With longer life spans, we can expect to fill that role for roughly a third of our lives—around 25 years—and some will even become great-grandparents.
It’s one of the few new roles available in later life and can offer a powerful sense of purpose. Many grandparents, once too busy with work or commitments to notice their own children’s early years, see it as a second chance—an opportunity to pass on traditions, share wisdom, kick a ball or build a sandcastle. Engaging with grandchildren can be life-enhancing for everyone involved.Connecting the Past and Future
We tend to think of development as a straight path, one year building on the next. Yet, there’s a rich interdependence between life stages. Becoming a grandparent can awaken memories of your own childhood, or of precious moments when your children were small.
Grandparenting doesn’t just uncover the past—it also offers a glimpse of the future. Watching grandchildren grow and seeing their personalities emerge brings fulfilment and a deep sense of continuity.
The Grandparent Effect
The grandparent role isn’t only rewarding for adults—it’s essential for children. Grandparents help shape a child’s emerging sense of identity. Beyond shared enemies, they might share a name, favourite team, personality trait, or even a smile.
A grandparent’s life story becomes part of the child’s unfolding narrative. Perhaps they emigrated, fought in a war, raised a bustling family, or took on an unusual job—stories that weave through generations.
Grandparents also remind children that their parents were once young and faced similar challenges. This realisation builds resilience. Later in life, grandparents model how to age gracefully, face illness, and meet death with dignity.
Magic by the River
For children, time spent with a grandparent in The Land of Whatever You Want is simply wonderful. I often visited that place with my own grandfather—Pa.
He introduced me to his passion: freshwater fishing. With quiet humour, he taught that fishing demands patience, respect and great skill. Trout, he warned, love to make fools of fishermen. If all else fails, they leap from the water, shake free of the hook, and, he said, “laugh as they gurgle down the river.”
One dawn, my cousin, Pa and I carried our gear to his favourite spot. After a careful lesson on reeling in a trout, my cousin and I cast our lines. Almost instantly, I felt a tug. “Pa!” I shouted, yanking the rod high over my head.
The line flew skyward and, at its end, a gleaming rainbow trout burst from the water—soaring over trees and a barbed-wire fence before landing in a paddock beyond.
We stood in stunned silence. Pa drew deeply on his pipe and, in his thick Irish accent, said, “I never tort I’d live to see it.” Then, looking straight at me, he added, “My boy, I tink God has just gifted you te day—the gift of catching te one tat got away.”
Legacy of Love
That was my last trip with Pa; he died soon after. He left me two of his prized rods and his worn tackle bag. I’m not much of a fisherman now, but I’ve told my children the story of Pa and the flying fish many times.
And I hope that one day, I’ll tell it again—to my grandchildren—in The Land of Whatever You Want.
