16 Oct Exam stress: how to help an overwhelmed teenager get started
Sometimes the best way to help a teenager through exam stress is to celebrate progress before the work is finished, writes motivational speaker Lizzie Williamson.
The other day my daughter, who is in her final year of school, was procrastinating on a major assignment. She’d done the research and gathered everything she needed, but she hadn’t started writing. She was overwhelmed.
You know that feeling – when a task is so big that starting feels impossible. Adults face it every day, and so do our teenagers.
When I left for work that morning, she was stuck. When I came home, she was at her computer with the biggest smile on her face.
‘Mum, I’ve started.’
Then she showed me. One sentence. That was it.
So, we celebrated. We cheered, high-fived, and I grabbed the yellow pom-poms I use on stage as a motivational speaker and shook them as though she’d finished the whole thing.
Why? Because starting is hard. If we wait until the assignment is done to say well done, we can miss the moment that mattered most.
As a mum of two, I’ve learned that sometimes the most useful encouragement comes long before there is anything that looks, on paper, worth celebrating.
Celebrate progress, not just the finish line
We can become our child’s ‘celebration entourage’. Instead of repeatedly asking whether they’ve studied or met a deadline, try asking: what’s one thing you did today that moved you in the right direction?
It might be reading one difficult page, writing the first paragraph or finally starting revision.
The aim isn’t to praise every tiny action, but to notice genuine progress, especially when getting started has been difficult.
Once that first step has been taken, the next often feels more manageable. One sentence becomes two, then three. That’s how momentum begins.
Think about your kids as toddlers learning to walk. We celebrated one step. We cheered every wobble, even when it was far from perfect. Teenagers may not need the same fanfare, but they still benefit from knowing their effort counts.
When everything feels too much
Celebrating small wins can also help ease the feeling that there is never enough time.
We assume time pressure arrives with adulthood, but teenagers feel it too – the push to achieve while fitting in friends, schoolwork, sport and everything else going on in their lives.
When a task feels enormous, focusing only on the end result can make it harder to begin. Breaking it into manageable steps can reduce some of that pressure.
They sat down and opened the assignment. They worked through one section of their notes. They wrote an imperfect first paragraph.
These things may seem insignificant when exams or deadlines are looming, but they’re still steps in the right direction.
Constantly worrying about their progress or catastrophising about their future can drain parents too. Sometimes encouragement is more useful than another reminder.
Let them see you notice the good things too
One of the best things we can do as parents is create a culture of appreciation in our household – for our kids and ourselves.
When we notice our own progress rather than focusing only on what remains unfinished, our teenagers see that too, even when we think they aren’t watching.
One day, I walked past my daughter’s bedroom and noticed her door was covered in Post-it notes. Bright little squares everywhere.
At first, I thought it was homework, but when I looked closer, I saw words like cats, family, friends, music, sleepovers and sunsets. Tiny handwritten reminders of things that mattered.
‘Oh Mum, it’s my gratitude wall,’ she told me. ‘Anytime someone walks past, they can add something they’re grateful for.’
Even during a stressful time at school, she had found a way to notice the good things around her.
And sometimes, that can cut through the overwhelm far more effectively than another lecture about what still needs to be done.
Lizzie Williamson is a motivational speaker and author of several books, including Just Two Minutes: The Excuse-Busting Method Changing Lives Across the World. She specialises in helping people overcome overwhelm, boost energy and take small, achievable steps towards change. Find out more at LizzieWilliamson.com.
