03 Oct Festivities without fuss
Some children just aren’t that into parties, writes Clare Wishart.
Why do we have parties? What are we celebrating in that nebulous notion of ‘turning’ a new age?
When I was growing up, I wondered what all the fuss was about. Now, I am a mother myself, and I have some idea of what it means to see your kids enjoy something that you have planned and executed.
I would be the first to admit that I can get carried away. And how easy it is to do so in Partyland. I have two boys, and I have expended no small amount of time thinking about how to celebrate their birthdays. I am so tempted by jumping castles and animal visits. I love the idea of face painting and hordes of adoring friends and family. I positively salivate while imagining mountains of cupcakes and gorgeously beribboned presents. Then I think about my eldest child. Now he is three, we have had some time to observe his emerging personality.
After several disastrous market visits and one to the CBD, it clicked: he doesn’t like crowds. In fact, he’s just not that into people. This was an incredible revelation to me, his extroverted mother. I love parties. To me, quite frankly, more is more.
Our mother group decided on a low-key event to celebrate our firstborns turning three. When we arrived, my son took one look at the chaos of people, toys and wrapping paper and went straight out into the garden. He played with a hose reel for the rest of the party. As my good friend Vic once said to me, “Just remember: you are giving the party for them”. In my deliberations on how to organise a party (the best party), the biggest question seems to be whether to have the party at home or off-site.
People who have parties at home can be quite passionate about their decision. Take Vic. She wants to give her kids the old-style kind of party, where they remember the cake their mum baked. They will play some simple games and then have fun in the garden. Then there is the ‘no mess, no stress’ crowd, who are equally adamant that they want to enjoy things too and not just run around after everyone. But then you hear stories of little Chloe being traumatised in a play centre tunnel by some random feral boy (not mine), and it makes you think again.
Why do we have parties? What are we celebrating in that nebulous notion of ‘turning’ a new age?
When I was growing up, I wondered what all the fuss was about. Now, I am a mother myself, and I have some idea of what it means to see your kids enjoy something that you have planned and executed. It’s a way of lavishing love on them, telling them you are proud of them and wanting to share that feeling with the world. But have we forgotten the kids? What about the pressure of a party on the kids themselves?
Another of my friends had a big issue with her daughter saying ‘thank you’ for all the presents that she received. Her daughter’s party, and the lead-up to it, just got so overwhelming that the daughter responded by being rude on the day. How embarrassing. But not uncommon, I imagine. You invite all these kids over to celebrate, you feed them food pumped full of all sorts of nasties, and then you sit back and watch them turn from your lovely, considerate offspring into monsters of the third realm in the space of one afternoon.
I’m now thinking about my son’s fourth birthday. We’ll possibly set up at a bush picnic ground somewhere with family and a few of his friends – perhaps taking a hose reel with us. Then, as a family, we’ll exchange memories of my son’s life and go home exhausted by sunshine and fresh air.
