19 Jun Keeping Calm in Year 12: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Final School Year
As children approach their final year of school, keeping a sense of perspective can be useful for students and over-eager parents alike, writes Elizabeth Quinn.
Navigating Year 12: Why Parents Need Perspective Too
Year 12 can be a trying time for both students and their parents. Even the most amicable of relationships can be tested once our children reach the pointy end of their education. As the start of the school year approaches, we all need to take a deep breath and begin the year as we mean to continue it: in an atmosphere of support, with as little conflict as possible.
My first experience as the mother of a Year 12 student put me on a steep learning curve. My oldest boy seemed determined not to let studying get in the way of his social life or his part-time job at the video store, while I was unhealthily fixated on his end-of-year results. His first choice of tertiary course, journalism at a prestigious institution, required a stratospheric score for one who was not known for his study ethic.
Lessons from the Front Line: One Mum’s Year 12 Reality Check
After an initial ‘period of adjustment’ in which I cajoled, pleaded and ranted in turn, it gradually dawned on me that I was doing more harm than good. I was expending a lot of energy trying to control my son’s behaviour, but, as anyone with any experience of therapy will tell you, the only person I can be responsible for is me. My acceptance of that premise was truly liberating; I sailed through the rest of the year. It seems incongruous to even write those words; I wasn’t the one actually doing Year 12. But a lot of parents invest so much of their time and energy into their children during that one year of their schooling, that they might as well be the ones enrolled.
Support, Not Stress: Finding the Right Balance at Home
Families need to find a balance between the aspirational and the achievable, and all too often, parents’ aspirations exceed those of their children. Whether implicit or explicit, pressure can be brought to bear on already stressed students in many subtle ways by their well-meaning parents. In my experience, offers of help with tutoring usually ended in tears before bedtime (and that was just me). I retired as a maths tutor after I had a pencil thrown at me across a crowded desk. Obviously, this exercise was benefiting neither of us. My attempts at conducting everyday conversations in French were met with stony stares and considerable incomprehension. (Surely it couldn’t be my accent?)
I learned the value of minding my own business where Year 12 study was concerned. I offered to pay for a couple of French conversation classes immediately prior to the French oral exam, an offer that was graciously accepted and an exercise that proved very valuable. (Maybe it was my accent?) Maths was shaping up to be a losing battle, and, like all good generals, my boy decided to cut his losses – to do his best to get by in maths, but to focus on his other subjects. And again, I smiled and nodded. He was making his own decisions and, while they may not have been exactly in line with mine, they weren’t unreasonable.
Sleep, Sanity and Study: Avoiding Burnout in the Final Year
The next hurdle I had to face was the question of sleep. Never a good sleeper myself, I had managed to complete my Year 12 exams on the equivalent of about three hours’ sleep per night. It was not conducive to maximising one’s potential, and I was determined that my boy would not meet the same fate. Careful never to mention my own experience, I nevertheless must have conveyed something of my anxiety every time I wished my son goodnight, asking him how long he planned to stay up watching television. One evening, he told me to stop asking that question or I would end up making him as paranoid about sleep as I was. Paranoid? Moi? I didn’t need to be told twice. I backed right off and from then on wished him a cheery goodnight with no extras.
Making the Most of the Final School Year Together
My son and I managed to reach an unspoken agreement; I minded my own business, and he got on with his. And there are a few crumbs of joy to be found amid the dross of that final school year. A healthy interest in the available tertiary options can be a source of positive interaction between parent and child. The Open Day season can provide a fun day out (with learner-driver practice optional), as long as refreshments are scheduled in, and the timetable is not too gruelling. If you’re lucky, your child might even consent to have a chat with you about their English texts or attend a French film with you, especially if themed refreshments, such as chocolate eclairs, are on offer.
Or they might not. Parents would be well advised not to take rejection personally. Withdraw graciously and try again another time, being sure to choose your moment well. It’s a bit of a tightrope walk for parent and child alike, and none of it is easy. A sense of humour is an asset during this final school year, as is the ability to keep everything in perspective.
More Than a Score: Remembering What Really Matters
My son’s final results were average; a little less than he was capable of, and a little more than they could have been, all things considered. They fell far short of what was required for his first choice of campus, but in a stroke of luck, he scored a second-round offer in a country campus of the same university. After six months, he applied for a transfer to his first choice on the grounds of financial hardship. His application was accepted, testament to the fact that there is more than one way to skin a cat. Year 12 students and their parents would do well to keep this at the forefront of their minds. It’s neither healthy nor helpful to become fixated on a number. It doesn’t define you as a person, and it is merely a starting point from which to launch the rest of your life.
Illustrations by Penny Lovelock
