13 Nov Friendship Audit: Who Lifts You Up, and Who Takes Too Much?
As the year ends, it’s the perfect time to reassess friendships. Mental-health author Elizabeth Jane says one-sided relationships can quietly drain energy and confidence. Recognising the signs and setting boundaries can protect wellbeing and create space for healthier, reciprocal connections.
As the year winds down, many people start re-evaluating their relationships — and according to Elizabeth Jane, mental-health thought leader and author of Free and First – Unlocking Your Ultimate Life. Too many are caught in one-sided friendships that quietly drain their confidence, time and emotional reserves.
Jane says that true friendship must involve reciprocity, not one person continually carrying the load.
“Real friendship is about give and take, not take, take, take,” she said.“If you’re always doing the emotional labour, solving the problems and offering support with very little returned, it’s not friendship — it’s emotional servitude.”
With a natural pause in the calendar ahead, Jane encourages people to reflect honestly on the relationships they’re carrying rather than sharing.
“Relationships are a chance for growth, but some keep you small,” she said. “We often don’t recognise unhealthy dynamics while we’re in them. Usually, it takes a trigger for someone to realise a friendship is no longer serving them.”
Subtle signs that a friendship is out of balance
Imbalanced friendships rarely feel toxic at the start — they evolve slowly.
“You begin by helping because you care, then eventually realise you’re holding the entire relationship,” Jane said.
Common warning signs include:
- One-sided emotional support
- Only hearing from them when they need something
- Disregard for boundaries
- Borrowing money or belongings without returning them
- Competing rather than celebrating wins
- Expecting you to pay every time
- Using guilt or pressure when you say no
Jane says the body also keeps score.
“If a notification from someone makes your stomach tighten, your body is giving you the answer before your mind does — the cost is too high.”
Boundaries that protect, not punish
Rebalancing a friendship starts with honesty, Jane explains.
“Stop pretending it’s fine. Say what you need. A healthy friend will respect that. The wrong person will punish you for it,” she said.
Boundaries can be low-key but effective:
- Replying when emotionally able
- Saying no without over-explaining
- Steering conversations away from constant crisis mode
- Choosing not to attend plans that feel draining
“Protecting your peace is not selfish,” she said.
“It’s self-respect in action.”
When walking away is the healthiest choice
Some friendships can adjust, others can’t. Jane says recognising the difference is crucial.
“No one is owed permanent access to you, especially if they consistently take more than they return,” she said. “Letting go creates space for relationships that nourish, not deplete, you.”
Her message entering the new year is direct: friendships should restore, not diminish.
“When the balance is gone, it’s time to step back. The right people give energy — they don’t take it.”
Free and First – Unlocking Your Ultimate Life by Elizabeth Jane
Elizabeth Jane is an Australian artist, author and public speaker. Her debut book, ‘Free and First—Unlocking Your Ultimate Life‘, was written as part of her healing process following her divorce, which ended a 25-year marriage.
