26 Feb Mates at the Gate: What Happens When Your Second Child Starts School?
Maria Koromilas reflects on the friendships she has made at her daughter’s school and wonders how meeting more mothers when her son starts school will affect her social life.
This year, my son, the second of my three children, will start school. There will be no tears from me… I hope. No nervousness from him… I hope. He has been watching his sister go to school for two years now and he’s been dying to join the ranks. He knows the school and he knows the teachers; in no time, he’ll know the children. But will I know the mums?
A Clean Slate (And So Many New Friends)
When my daughter started school I had a clean slate. I was itching to get going and ready to be anybody’s and everybody’s friend. And that’s exactly what I did. I made friends left, right and centre. First I met Gina; her son was in my daughter’s class. Gina invited us over to her place one afternoon. There I met Barbara. Her daughter Emily was also in my daughter’s class. The two girls became firm friends; and so did Barbara and I. Barbara introduced me to Liz and the four of us began to ‘hang around’.
In the frenzy of this whole friend-making venture, my daughter made another friend, Maya. Maya’s parents introduced themselves to me one day and we have been friends ever since, inviting each other over for weekend barbecues, going out to the movies and attending birthday celebrations. And before I could say ‘I wonder if I’ll make any more friends here’, I could safely add Lisa, Amanda, Annette, Georgina, Linda, Alex, Lindsay, Marlies, Diane, Lee, Rebecca, Wei, Carolina, Ela… the list goes on.
The Tribe I Didn’t Expect
I’m very happy with this tribe of school mums. We get on fabulously well, chatting in the school playground every day, and we often catch up during the school holidays. And I’m not shy about saying that it’s not for the benefit of the children. Well, maybe a little, but not entirely.
Even the owners of the local pub are accustomed to our end-of-term pub night, where we have a night of celebratory drinks to congratulate ourselves on successfully navigating our way through another term.
For the last two years while I have been busy making my own friends and pretty much dragging my daughter and other two children along for the ride, I didn’t really consider what would happen when my other children started school. Am I expected to show the same enthusiasm when my son starts school this year?
Do I Really Have to Start Again?
To be honest, my calendar is already full. As a social being, I do have my limitations. My son will make friends and outings will be arranged, but do I have the time or inclination to pursue new friendships with a new bunch of mums? Will the old group of mums understand? Will they still include me in the group? Will they carry on without me? Maybe I’m getting carried away here. We are talking about a group of reasonable adults. But what if the new group of mums and the old group of mums organise a park outing for the same time? Worse still, a pub night on the same night? Okay, that one might not be so bad… if it’s the same pub.
But let’s get back to the problem at hand. Will my son really notice if I don’t ‘hang around’ his friends’ mums as often as I do my daughters’? Will he need therapy for this in his adult life?
And what do I do when my third child starts school?
Obviously, I’m not the first mum to have more than one child attend school and I certainly won’t be the last. I know I like meeting new people; you never know the kind of friends you might make. The group of mums I met two years ago is testament to that. So I suppose the answer is staring me square in the face.
On the first day of school, as my son takes his first walk up into his classroom, I’ll turn to the mum next to me and introduce myself. We’ll go into the school hall, grab a tissue along the way and have a cup of tea. I’ll wave to the old group of mums and tell them I’ll catch up with them tomorrow.
