15 May Happily Divorced: How Separation Made Me a Better Dad and a Happier Man
While divorce wasn’t part of the plan, Geoff Anderson finds it has made him a happier person and a better father.
My parents will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary in two years. When I married, I naturally expected to spend the rest of my life with my wife. We lasted seven years.
Despite not being happy, I held on to my marriage because that’s what you do. But once we finally split, I felt like I was getting my life back and could breathe again. I found my smile and my laugh, and I found myself being the dad I wanted to be to my then eight-and-a-half-year-old daughter and seven-year-old son.
It’s been years since we separated, then divorced. The kids have mostly lived in two homes on a 50/50 basis. It’s what they know, and they are happy. At the time we were separating, I realised I could be a better dad if life were better for me, and now it is.
Breaking the Stigma: Divorce Doesn’t Have to Mean Dysfunction
My ex-wife and I have managed to be better parents now than when we were spouses, which comes from putting the kids’ needs ahead of our petty issues. We both love our kids and want the best for them, so we’ve found ways to minimise the two-household issues.
We call the kids to say goodnight when they aren’t with us. I believe children want to love their parents unconditionally, and intruding on that can be damaging to the child. I support their love of their mother, and I know she does the same for me. We have accepted that our marriage is over, but our co-parenting has a generation or two to go.
Putting the Kids First: A Co-Parenting Partnership That Works
As co-parents, we communicate regularly about the kids’ health and educational and behavioural issues. We both have our own businesses, so we also help each other out when we can by swapping days with the kids to accommodate work commitments. We appreciate that the success of our businesses is important for our kids’ livelihoods.
Overall, our arrangement is quite easy compared with those of some other divorced parents. We share school, medical and sporting expenses, and we each buy clothes for them. There are no child maintenance or other payments. I think this in itself avoids a lot of stress and resentment.
Finding Peace in a Two-Home Family
One of the great benefits of this arrangement is that you get quality time with the kids, then time to recharge your batteries as an adult. Then you’re ready to embrace the next onslaught.
As I go to sleep at night, I pause to think, “Are my kids sleeping in their beds under the same roof as me tonight?” It warms my heart to realise they are.
I see other divorced couples who share bitterness, regret, sadness and hostility. I know I am lucky. But mostly, I know my children are lucky. It’s not what I had planned for them, but they have happy parents who love them.
