15 Oct “I saw myself in my child”: how fatherhood helped one Autistic dad understand himself
For some Autistic fathers, becoming a parent brings a new understanding of themselves. Australian research also suggests many feel overlooked by the services supporting families.
When Sean Hynes watched his eldest son grow, he began to recognise something familiar.
“I was aware of all these traits and differences but didn’t understand what they meant,” he says. “Watching my oldest boy grow up changed that, suddenly I was seeing parts of myself reflected back at me.”
Learning to understand and support his son’s Autistic needs also helped Sean understand his own.
His experience is one of those explored in Australian research into Autistic fatherhood by the Aspect Research Centre for Autism Practice (ARCAP).
The study involved in-depth interviews with 19 Autistic fathers from around Australia and was co-produced with four Autistic father advisors, including Sean.
Fatherhood can bring greater self-understanding
For some fathers, becoming a parent also led them to recognise or seek a diagnosis of autism themselves. The noise, unpredictability and emotional intensity of family life sometimes highlighted needs they had previously struggled to explain.
Many also spoke about choosing to parent differently from the way they had been raised — with more affection, reassurance and emotional openness.
Lead researcher Dr Chris Edwards says Autistic fathers have often been overlooked in research and family services.
“Autistic fathers are raising children, building families and contributing incredible care and insight, but we rarely hear from them,” he says.
When your child’s needs clash with your own
The study also found that everyday family life could be challenging when a child’s needs conflicted with a parent’s own sensory needs.
Noise, disrupted routines and busy environments could become overwhelming. Some fathers relied on quiet time, predictable routines or spaces where they could regulate before rejoining family life.
Sean says this has been one of the hardest parts of parenting.
“When my kids were really young, what they needed often clashed directly with what I needed,” he says.
“I was always going to put them first, but the reality is that if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t be the dad I want to be for them.”
Fathers can be overlooked too
Researchers found that some Autistic dads felt overlooked by maternity services, parenting programs and schools. Support was often centred on mothers or children, while fathers’ own communication, sensory or support needs were less likely to be recognised.
Dr Edwards says the challenge is not simply autism itself, but whether the systems surrounding families recognise different parenting needs.
“Autistic fathers are present, thoughtful and deeply connected to their children,” he says.
For some parents, Sean’s story may feel surprisingly familiar: understanding your child can sometimes be the beginning of understanding yourself.
