04 May Mumma Love
Like them or loathe them, Neha Shukla discovers how validating a mothers’ group can be.
“Try and stay in touch with each other after your babies are born,” the midwife told everyone in our antenatal class. I remember thinking, ‘We’re not going to have time to make new friends’.
My husband and I were expecting our first child in four weeks. Euphoric and wrapped in a little bubble of bliss, I truly believed my baby, and I were going to be so in love and in harmony with each other we wouldn’t need anyone else. How wrong I was.
Self-doubt and anxiety accompanied joy the day we brought our little precious bundle home. Recovering from a marathon 30-hour labour followed by an emergency Caesarean, I felt under-equipped both emotionally and physically to look after this tiny little being without the safety net of experienced professionals.
Changing nappies, bathing, swaddling and feeding all seemed achievable when help was only a buzzer away. Once home, I didn’t think anyone could really comprehend the crazy concoction of emotions I was experiencing. I craved to speak to someone who was in the same boat.
Suddenly it didn’t seem that silly to get in touch with parents from the antenatal class. Our meetings became the highlight of my week. It was the day I got out of my daggy track pants and stained nursing top, brushed my hair and got in the car with my bub to meet my newfound friends. Together we started taking baby steps to parenthood.
Breastfeeding at 2 am felt a lot less isolating when I could chat with someone on Facebook. I‘d never before let my guard down in front of a room full of adults whom I had known for only a few weeks. We talked about almost everything: “Is it normal for my baby to not self settle?” “Is anyone else going bald?” “Should I worry if bub isn’t interested in feeding?” “When was the last time you had more than four hours of uninterrupted sleep?” “Is it unrealistic to expect my baby to settle into a routine?” “Am I the only one thinking of switching to a bottle?”
Sharing my doubts and insecurities and hearing theirs helped me see how similar yet unique we were. A huge mountain of worry would shrink to a tiny particle after I shared it. We didn’t judge each other. The support was unconditional, and the encouragement was generous. It was a delight to see my daughter growing more or less at the same pace as half a dozen other little munchkins. I must have been doing something right.
Our bubs are turning one soon. We’re no longer in survival mode. My hair has stopped falling out, and most nights, I get seven hours of sleep. Our chats have moved on to daycare enrolments and returning to work. We even discuss recipes that take more than 20 minutes to cook.
As we go back to work and our catch-ups become less frequent, I know we will be friends for a long time – long after we no longer need to discuss baby poo, runny noses and night feeds. We will always find something to chat about because we’re in this parenting thing together.
