24 Sep When family relationships break down: understanding estrangement
Family estrangement can be painful for parents and adult children alike. As “going no contact” becomes a more familiar phrase, relationship experts say the reasons families stop speaking are usually far more complicated than choosing sides.
Recent headlines about reported tensions within the Beckham family have again put family estrangement into the spotlight. But away from celebrity news, losing contact with a parent, adult child, or other close relative is something many families quietly experience.
Family estrangement generally describes a situation where family members have little or no contact, sometimes temporarily and sometimes for many years.
Glen O’Hara, Senior Counsellor and Clinical Lead at Australian relationship support organisation Interrelate, says these situations are rarely as straightforward as they appear from the outside.
“It’s never a clear heroes and villains situation. Family relationships rarely work that way,” he says.
“When someone reaches the point of cutting off contact with a parent or child, it’s usually the result of significant hurt that has developed over many years. These situations are deeply personal and incredibly complex.”
When ‘going no contact’ becomes the advice
Conversations about boundaries and “going no contact” have become increasingly common on social media.
O’Hara says greater awareness of mental health, emotional wellbeing and unhealthy relationships has been an important change. But brief online advice can also reduce complicated family situations to simple solutions.
“Platforms like TikTok and Instagram have opened important conversations around mental health and boundaries, but they can also encourage very black-and-white thinking,” he says.
Interrelate, which marks 100 years of supporting Australian families in 2026, has seen family relationships change significantly during that time, from traditional households to blended families, same-sex relationships, dual-income households and families maintaining relationships across long distances.
“We’re talking more openly about mental health. We have a much greater understanding of emotional wellbeing. We’re encouraging people to establish healthy boundaries and recognise unhealthy relationship patterns. Those are all incredibly positive changes,” O’Hara says.
Does every difficult relationship need to end?
Not necessarily.
“Every family experiences conflict. Every relationship has challenges,” O’Hara says.
“The important question isn’t whether conflict exists. It’s whether the relationship has become harmful, whether attempts have been made to repair it, and whether there remains something meaningful that can be rebuilt.”
For some families, taking some space may help. Others may benefit from honest conversations or professional counselling. In some circumstances, particularly where a relationship is unsafe or seriously harmful, maintaining distance may be necessary.
O’Hara encourages parents and adult children to look beyond blame where it is safe to do so.
“If you’re the parent, ask yourself what your son or daughter may have experienced that brought them to this point. If you’re the adult child, ask yourself what you’re truly hoping for from the relationship and whether those needs have been clearly communicated.”
“Understanding another person’s experience doesn’t mean dismissing your own. It simply creates the possibility for conversations that blame alone can never achieve.”
Not every family relationship can — or should — be repaired. But understanding what has happened, and getting appropriate support, can help families decide what comes next.
