27 Nov Siblings at Birth: What Really Happens (and How to Decide)
Deciding whether your children should be present during the birth of a new sibling is a deeply personal choice. Some families find it beautiful and bonding; others discover that labour is simply too intense for young kids. Author Gabrielle Targett shares her real-life experiences and what parents today may want to consider.
When a Child Makes the Perfect Birth Companion
For the births of both her sons, Gabrielle’s daughter, Jaeosha, was the ideal little helper. At just two, and later four, she understood how to offer comfort without getting in the way — patting her mum’s forehead with a cool cloth, whispering encouragement, and stepping back when she sensed that labour required full focus.
Much of this calm came from preparation. Gabrielle talked openly about pregnancy, explained the baby’s movements, and showed her daughter photos of women giving birth. When the day came, the sounds, emotions and intensity of labour didn’t shock her; they made sense.
Gabrielle believes honesty helps children feel confident rather than frightened. “Birth is such a natural, incredible process. If it feels right to have your child there, good preparation can make it a positive experience.”
When It’s Clear a Toddler Isn’t Coping
Her son Benjamin, however, showed that not all children react the same way. At two, he became clingy and upset with every contraction. Gabrielle realised she simply couldn’t meet his needs while managing active labour.
Even though she’d hoped to have him there, forcing the situation would have made the birth harder for everyone. She learned that you can’t always predict how a child will respond on the day, no matter how well you prepare.
Children may become frightened by the noises of labour, bored by waiting, or distressed by seeing a parent in pain. And in the middle of contractions, many parents simply can’t provide the reassurance the child is seeking.
Beautiful Moments Do Happen
Despite the challenges, many families do have positive experiences with siblings at birth. Gabrielle recalls supporting a friend whose 17-month-old son travelled to a birth centre late at night. Sleepy and wide-eyed, he sat calmly with his dad and watched as his little brother entered the world. His face lit up with recognition and excitement.
Older children can be deeply moved as well. One mother invited her three teenage sons to her homebirth. They massaged her back, brought food and water, and even held a mirror so she could watch her baby being born. The boys — who helped catch the baby alongside their dad — were awestruck. Seeing birth up close shifted their understanding of responsibility and the impact of sexual choices in a way nothing else could.
What to Consider When Deciding
Every family, every labour and every child is different.
Common reasons not to have siblings present include:
-
fear that seeing labour might scare them
-
concern that they will slow down the birthing parent
-
unpredictability of toddlers’ needs and behaviour
-
no available adult to support them fully
Reasons parents do choose sibling attendance include:
-
wanting to share a profound family moment
-
helping older children understand birth as natural
-
fostering early sibling bonding
-
simply valuing their presence
Have a Dedicated Support Person
The key to making sibling-attended births work is support. A child needs their own adult — someone who can take them for a walk, manage emotions, provide comfort, or leave the room entirely if needed. This frees the birthing parent to focus solely on labour.
Homebirths tend to make this easier, as children can wander to another room when they tire. Hospitals and birth centres vary in their policies, so parents should always check ahead of time.
Ultimately, the choice comes down to your family, your child and your comfort. When it works, it can be a deeply meaningful experience. When it doesn’t, having a backup plan ensures everyone is supported — especially the person giving birth.
This is an edited extract from A Labour Of Love – An Australian Guide to Natural Childbirth by Gabrielle Targett, 2006 (Fremantle Arts Centre Press).
