03 Jul A Change Of Perspective: Being a stay-at-home dad
John Hughes’s temporary experience of being a stay-at-home dad enables him finally to understand why parents ask teachers so many questions.
Juggling Roles at School and at Home
I am in the unusual, but not unique, situation of having my daughter attend Kindergarten at the school where I work. As such, the line between teacher and parent is sometimes blurred. Thankfully, this has not been a major issue so far, and my daughter has enjoyed a fairly trouble-free beginning to school. However, with a recent change in our family situation came a long-overdue awakening regarding this dual role.
The Turning Point: Becoming a Stay-at-Home Dad
The birth of our second child was a fairly dramatic affair: an emergency caesarean, some oxygen for our little one and, quite a few anxious moments later, another beautiful little girl to cuddle. For me, this signalled a somewhat turning of the tide. Partly due to the impact of the caesarean on my partner, and partly because I wanted the opportunity to spend some time getting to know the new member of our family, I embarked on a period of leave from my duties at school. I ceased being a schoolteacher and took on the role of parent exclusively, at least temporarily.
Stepping Into Parents’ Shoes
For nearly 20 years, I had been on one side of this equation: the teacher, dutifully and happily addressing every concern expressed by the parents of my students. I thought that I had heard every trivial request, inconsequential question and unnecessary query possible, and must admit that I secretly lamented ‘wasting’ my time with such trivial pursuits, given the importance of providing the educational program. Being a teacher allowed me to separate myself, however slightly, from the emotional battles that came with being responsible for a schoolchild.
However, once I commenced my leave, I began life on the other side of the equation. I was soon to realise that these seemingly inconsequential moments can carry much greater importance than I ever would have imagined.
Why Parents’ ‘Simple’ Questions Suddenly Made Sense
I was determined not to ask those questions that had appeared so insignificant to me as a teacher. Of course, it wasn’t more than a few days into my stint as a ‘school parent’ when I was asking some of the questions I had promised myself I wouldn’t ask. Questions regarding matters as seemingly trivial as pencil cases, photos taken at special-event days, and due dates for fundraising monies to be returned. All of a sudden, these things became important – because they were important to my daughter.
I must admit that I felt some guilt over bothering my daughter’s teacher, my colleague, with these ‘simple’ requests. But in the end, I was doing this to set my daughter’s mind at ease; so that when she walked into school in the morning, she knew that she could confidently take in her new pencil case without breaking the rules, and she would be happy that she could get a photo of a moment of which she was so proud. It was only then that it finally dawned on me… These seemingly inconsequential questions mean very big things to the ones that matter to us most.
A Newfound Respect for Every Concern
I instantly forgave all those parents I had mentally sneered at for asking if I had seen their child’s lost hat, or wanting to know when the excursion permission form was due (despite the due date being on the form itself). I suddenly realised that we would do almost anything to make our kids happy, and if that means the odd silly question, I will no longer have any hesitation in either asking or answering them. I now know that they are asked with the very best of intentions.
Illustration by Gregory Baldwin
