19 Feb Why Children’s Songs Are Due for a 21st-Century Remix
Children’s songs are meant to be comforting, imaginative and timeless. But during one ordinary bedtime singalong, John Hershey realises that some of our most beloved classics might be quietly preparing kids for a world of sealing wax, string… and very low expectations from dragons.
A Bedtime Routine Gone Wrong
Last night, as I do almost every night, I was playing the guitar and singing a classic children’s song to my sons at bedtime. It seems to help them fall asleep. Maybe the music soothes them. Or perhaps they force themselves into a state of unconsciousness to escape the sound of my singing voice. Either way, it’s a cherished family tradition.
But last night, as I strummed along, I was suddenly taken aback by the words I usually sing sleepily and without a thought.
Puff, the magic dragon, lived by the sea,
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee (sung originally by the folk group Peter, Paul and Mary in 1962).
Strings, Wax and Other Questionable Gifts
I stopped playing, paralysed by numerous agonising questions, such as: strings? He brought him strings? And what is ceiling wax? Am I supposed to be waxing my ceilings? I can’t even keep the floors swept, much less waxed.
After extensive research on the internet, I concluded that the reference is probably to sealing wax, which was used along with string in the old days to bind and seal important legal documents. We don’t do that any more, of course. And suddenly I began to worry that the message I’m sending my kids with this song is just as obsolete.
What Does a Dragon Actually Want?
Jackie Paper has a chance to hang out with a real dragon, and he is under the impression that strings and wax are an appropriate gift?
Does this kid think Puff’s idea of a good time is to sit in his cave binding and affixing seals to various documents? Come on – he’s a dragon! He frolics in the autumn mist.
String and wax might have cut it in the olden days, but your modern dragon would swallow a child whole for pulling a stunt like that. One disdainful snort from a big green nostril, and that kid is toast. Literally.
Outdated Lessons for Modern Kids
Let’s face it: these old songs are teaching hopelessly outdated lessons to our kids, leaving them unprepared for the real world. If your child is ever lucky enough to get invited aboard a boat with billowed sail by an honest-to-god dragon, she’d better not squander the opportunity by showing up with office supplies.
Fancy stuff? How about an Xbox, a nanotech toy or something genuinely cool?
A New Soundtrack for a New Generation
We need to update the repertoire of children’s music to reflect contemporary values. This realisation, combined with recent reports that The Wiggles were once the wealthiest people in Australia, has inspired me to record a children’s album for the 21st century.
Children’s Music for Modern Times is not available in stores. It can be yours only through an exclusive TV offer. We’ll have one of those late-night commercials, like the ads for such popular compilation albums as Monster Hits of the 80s, Relatively Speaking: The Best of the 90s and Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Greatest Hit.
Order Now (Operators Are Standing By)
As you fumble in the dark for your phone to call the toll-free number, snippets of the songs will scroll by. You’ll hear the fun melodies and heartwarming themes you’ve come to love, without all the outmoded bits.
There’s I’m a Little Espresso Maker, Incy Wincy iPad and Broom Broom Black Jeep, to name but a few.
So dust off that eight-track player and order yours today.
