16 Jul Why hearing ‘that’s not quite right’ can help kids build resilience
No child loves being corrected. But when feedback is calm, clear and respectful, it can help children learn, persist and understand that mistakes are part of growing up — not proof they have failed.
Being told you have made a mistake can feel uncomfortable, whether you are five, fifteen or forty-five. But avoiding correction altogether may not help children in the long run.
CQUniversity Adjunct Senior Lecturer and educational neuroscience expert Dr Ragnar Purje says mistakes, errors and corrections are not harmful experiences to be avoided. Instead, they are essential parts of how people learn.
“There is nothing wrong with telling someone they are wrong or being told you are wrong,” Dr Purje says.
“Human beings learn through mistakes, errors, corrections and successes. They always have, and they always will.”
For parents and teachers, the key question may not be whether children should be corrected, but how that correction is delivered.
Correction is not the same as criticism
Many adults worry that telling a child they are wrong will damage their confidence. But Dr Purje argues that correction should not be confused with criticism.
“Being corrected is not an insult,” he says. “It is information.”
That distinction matters. A child who hears, “You’re hopeless at this,” may feel ashamed or defeated. But a child who hears, “That answer isn’t quite right — let’s look at where it went off track,” is being given a way forward.
Good correction does not attack a child’s character. It helps them see the gap between what they thought was happening and what actually happened.
That process is part of learning — whether a child is working through a maths problem, learning to read, practising a musical instrument, playing sport or sorting out a friendship problem.
Why mistakes help the brain learn
Dr Purje says the brain develops knowledge and competence through repeated cycles of trial, error, feedback and adjustment.
“When mistakes occur, they are usually unintentional,” he says. “In many cases, people do not yet understand why the mistake happened. That is why awareness and correction matter.”
Children do not become capable by getting everything right the first time. They become capable by trying, missing the mark, receiving guidance and trying again.
That is also where resilience begins. A child who learns that mistakes can be corrected is less likely to see failure as final. They begin to understand that difficulty is not a stop sign — it is part of the process.
Children already practise this through play
Parents may notice that children are often very direct with each other when they play.
They say things like, “That’s wrong,” “You’re out,” “That’s not fair,” or “You have to go back to the start.” While this can sometimes lead to arguments, it is also part of how children learn rules, fairness, turn-taking and problem-solving.
“When children play, they naturally engage in direct correction all the time,” Dr Purje says.
Through play, children learn that things do not always go their way. They practise adjusting, negotiating, trying again and coping with frustration.
“Play teaches children how to respond when things go wrong,” he says. “It teaches them to adjust, persevere and continue.”
What parents can say instead of “you’re wrong”
At home, correction often works best when it is specific, calm and focused on the next step.
Instead of making the mistake feel personal, try language such as:
“That’s not quite right yet — let’s try another way.”
“I can see what you were thinking. Here’s the part we need to fix.”
“Mistakes are useful. They show us what to practise next.”
“You’re close. Have another look at this bit.”
“That choice didn’t work well. What could you do differently next time?”
This kind of feedback still tells the truth. It does not pretend an answer is correct when it is not. But it also helps the child stay engaged rather than shutting down.
The real skill is learning to recover
Dr Purje says the ability to recognise mistakes, accept feedback and adapt behaviour is important for resilience, persistence, accountability and critical thinking.
This does not mean children need harshness. It means they need adults who can help them face mistakes without fear.
For parents, the message is reassuring: you do not need to protect your child from every uncomfortable moment. Sometimes the more helpful response is to stay warm, stay clear and show them that being corrected is not the end of the world.
It is part of learning how to keep going.
Parent takeaway
Children build resilience when they learn that mistakes are normal, feedback is useful and trying again matters. Clear, kind correction can help children develop confidence — not because they are always right, but because they know how to recover when they are not.
